I've been meaning to write about something- anything- for almost a month now, but I keep losing my inspiration/drive/motivation. My problem is that I get way too complacent about everything and that results in me doing nothing except worrying about how unproductive I'm being.
I read Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me by Mindy Kaling a month back and I loved it with all my heart. I'm not sure if I've written about it on this blog but the following quote is something I want to stick up on my wall under a bold "Important Life Advice- Please do not forget this, Aadya!".
“I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in
public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else
is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on
in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never
lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it
especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes
the cake.”
This is probably the most useful advice I've come across recently. I always feel stupid after I complain about how stressed I've been because I honestly don't know a single person who's not been stressing about something in life. I'm also trying to be a better conversationalist but I have a lot of work when it comes to that front.
I'm terrified of small talk. I've been in several awkward situations recently after which I keep beating myself up about how cringe-worthy I sound. I shuffle and cough and panic and talk in a hysterical pitch and that's uncool for my sanity levels. In situations like this, I must aim to channel Pink from Dazed and Confused for the way he seamlessly blends into cliques and is just charming and diplomatic on the whole. Role model! Also, while we were watching After Hours, my sister pointed out that it was so incredibly chill the way Griffin Dunne's character casually tells the girl whose name I forgot- "You've got an incredible body" or something along those lines. My sister was telling me her aspiration about being a person who can compliment someone easily and not being awkward about it and that has come to be my aspiration too. Compliments are not about being needy or weird or expecting something in return. They're just to express how much you enjoy the little things and the big things.
I'm not going to read this blog post because (a) my grammar sucks today and (b) my thoughts are all over the place and I don't want to sit and worry about having the right kind of thoughts.
My brain is working much faster than I can act (or react) so I've spent the whole of last week feeling like I was living in my head and day-to-day interacts seemed pointless. I've also come to realize the importance of what my dad calls "RAM Dumps". It's basically just dumping every single thought/to-do item on a piece of paper. I always feel so much better once it's all down on paper and then I spend a while just staring at it and doing nothing about it.
My thoughts and feelings are really cluttered as of now so most of the time I don't know what I'm feeling and I'm constantly worrying about things that need to be done. I realize that I'm not a very organized person when it comes to my physical spaces but the same can be applied to my thought process, which I find really worrying because I crave order and organization. I spend an insane amount of money on too many notebooks which are always left lying around half complete. I've got about ten years worth of random shit that was in my desk lying in ugly cartons near my bed and that's just adding to mental ugliness. My dad has been talking a lot about "broken windows", which is a term that refers to disorder in your life. I guess it could be stuff in your surroundings, or perhaps people in your life, or just thoughts. I should ask him about it, because it's a fascinating concept. My living spaces are full of broken windows: broken earphones, dirty shoes, unfolded clothes, plastic bags, old basketballs and scraps of paper (these are basically just items I can see from my position on the bed). My thoughts are also broken windows: I've been grappling with what seems to be a conflict between introversion and extroversion. I can't figure out if I'm introverted or just lazy. I love spending time by myself but lately it always hits me badly when I know my friends are out there, living it up, and I'm just in my room doing unproductive things. I (most of the time at least) attribute my seclusion to the fact that I'm just too lazy to get dressed and figure out a system of getting home late at night. Perhaps it's to do with the fact that I always feel like I'm answerable to my parents, and this makes me extremely anxious so I just choose not to go out so I don't need to deal with it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just making it a bigger problem in my head, or perhaps I'm just trying to excuse my introverted behaviour. I don't know.
Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions. -Quiet, Susan Cain
I just finished Quiet by Susan Cain. Agreed, it took me two months to finish, but it was so worth it. I think it worked great not only as an interesting take on psychology and culture, but it also served as a self-help book (My dad begged me not to read self-help books, claiming that they would ruin my life. This blog post is probably just about everything my dad told me.). I've always felt like I need to make excuses for not only my behaviour when I want to stay at home or not go for parties, but also for my entire family's (We're just a bunch of homebodies living together). I felt like Quiet really made my appreciate my own- and others'- "I'd rather be by myself or with a small bunch of people" qualities. I don't consider myself a shy person, so the fact that extroversion and shyness may go hand-in-hand was also interesting. This was a really eye-opening book.
I haven't been reading lately, for whatever reason. I need a book to grab me and force me to stay up and devour it. The last book that had this effect on me was The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. It had the perfect blend of a gothic mystery, creepy houses, fucked up families and secrets. I dig that kind of stuff. I was left pretty disappointed by Stoker, which I thought I would love because it seemed to have the same formula of secrets and gothic undertones and general fucked up behaviour.
I loved Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? by Mindy Kaling. I don't usually laugh out loud while reading nor do I read memoirs in the first place but this was one was s fluffy and breezy and it was exactly what I needed.
The weather is perfect right now (oh god, I've become one of those people who talk about weather TO THEMSELVES). It's usually exactly the right amount of cloudy and windy and it was almost worth going through almost four months of unbearable heat just for the weather we're experiencing right now. My friend was telling me about a midnight car ride on the highway. On of our friends was driving at 140 (uncool. I'm terrified of speeding) but these two guys were up on the top of the car (as I write this, I realize the absolute danger of the the situation.), with the wind on their faces and all that jazz. I don't think I'd ever do something like this but it sounds perfect only because of the wind. I feel like I need to write long, lengthy posts about how the wind makes me feel. Instead, I just listen to Colours of the Wind (actually, I don't. I imagine listening to the song while I'm enjoying the wind. Thus, I've concluded with one more void paragraph).
I'm going to go and enjoy the wind and drink lemon tea (which I learned how to make. One step closer to adulthood. I also drove today. Goodbye childhood). But before I do, I need to share this song, which is the most perfect thing I've heard lately.
West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band- I Won't Hurt You
I'm an untouched diamond That's golden and brilliant without illumination Your mouth's a constellation Stars are in your eyes I'll take a spaceship And try and go and find you
I know psychadia is a result of the 60s but to me, this song sounds so beyond its years, especially since it was recorded in the 60s. I don't think I'm being very articulate, but eh whatever. Everyone should be one step closer to finding themselves through this song.
Also, one last thing. The broken windows theory actually exists, but it's a criminological theory! I need to start looking up everything.
Ever since I was little, I've always looked up to girls (and guys, for that matter) who seem to have their shit together. I've always tried to ape that aspect of the character's (or person's) personality. For example, Kristy from the Babysitters Club Series. She was the toughest chick in the series and she never ever cried.
For the longest time, I associated crying with weakness. I was extremely careful never to cry in public or in front of my friends. I wanted to be thought of as cool and composed and I wanted to be there for the friends who I thought needed me because they cried in front of me.
It's taken me a really long time to realize that I'm a crier. I cry for everything. I cry during movies and songs, I cry when sad and tragic things happen to people, I cry when I see other people get humiliated or embarrassed or rejected, I cried when I saw a lion in a cage during my first visit to the zoo, I cry when people make fun of my cooking, and most of all, I cry every time my parents sit down to have a talk with me. I guess you could call it a lecture or just general reminders that I'm not functioning to my potential or that my general apathy is going to get me nowhere in life or even simple issues like drinking (which, at least in my case, is not simple at all). This is really embarrassing because 97% of the time I end up in tears at the end of these "discussions" and furthermore, it's incredibly frustrating because I want my parents to take me seriously and treat me like an adult, but how the fuck are they supposed to manage that if I end up bawling like a baby all the time?!
I've had time to reconcile the fact that crying isn't actually a sign of immaturity or the fact that you're can't handle life or that you're a pussy. I know several adults who cry for everything, including my grandmother and a distant aunt and I don't think that makes them any less strong or capable. I admire people who are stoic and I think it's a useful trait, but that's just me.
I remember really worrying about the fact that every little thing made me cry but then I'm trying to realize it's just easier (and better) to embrace who you are and work with it instead of trying to be somebody who you really aren't (cool and composed). But then, again, I don't know anybody who is purely stoic or purely a crier or emotional. So basically this whole post is a waste of time, because to my family I'm probably an emotional train-wreck but to my friends I've probably got my shit together so instead of worrying about all these stupid things, I should probably concentrate on doing something productive like writing a novel or learning to play an instrument but look! This is me brushing off feelings and all I want to be is somebody who is in touch with her feelings so where does this leave me?
I've decided I'm going to make a zine on crying because what else am I going to do with my time? Also, crying while walking in the rain and listening to The Moon by Cat Power is probably the best way to get your shit together.
I feel like I've been in a real rut lately. I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything and that just makes me more apathetic and lazy and upset. I know exactly what I should do but I can't do anything except waste time online and walk from room to room whining. I can't even finish writing or reading a paragraph and it's so frustrating. Also, this is a really bad summer and even though I totally romanticize summers in my head, they kind of suck in reality. Also, I'm on a real negative kick and everything seems useless and pointless and stupid and I want to snap out of it. "The only person holding yourself back is you"- yes, wise words that I should stick up on my wall but I don't have the energy to do that.
I've been on a real movie watching kick. The best movie I watched in the last one week was probably Dark City, which is this sci-fi movie released in 1998 about a guy who wakes up with no memory of anything. He lives in a city where it's perpetually dark, he might be a serial killer and there are a bunch of creepy ball dudes after him. I really enjoyed this one. It was tense and fast-paced and mind-blowing and every little detail was so well done. The effects do get quite cheesy in the end but the overall effect was great.
I also watched The Place Beyond The Pines, which I thought I would love (Ryan Gosling) but it ended up being quite disappointing. A third of the movie is exactly like Drive, but with bikes and definitely not as good. Drive hits you good and you root really hard for the Driver but this movie just seemed like a poor substitute. There wasn't any flow as the movie slipped from one narrative to the other. The only thing I really really really enjoyed about the movie were the trees. I swear. The pines were beautiful. I would have enjoyed a movie about haunted woods a lot more, I think. (That's my new kick right now: haunted woods and folklore and myths and legends about haunted forests.I have a funky notebook dedicated just for this kind of stuff).
The Fall was another movie I watched and wait, that's the guy from Pushing Daisies?! There were some scenes that I really enjoyed (and cried during) but the overall effect was a little blah-ish. The little girl was really adorable though. I think I ended up watching the entire movie with full attention only because she was so incredibly good.
I remember watching Thelma and Louise a few years ago but I sat through it again. I'm all for movies about girls and generally being a kickass female but this one kind of fell flat. And I also watched Castle in the Sky, which was quite disappointing. I loved Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke so I assumed I'd like this one but ugh no that was not the case.
I haven't read a book in a really long time, which is kind of sad. My to-read list on goodreads grows fast but so does my abandoned bookshelf. Need to sit down with one book and read it cover-to-cover.
I'm also bored and lonely because all my friends are in different places. Maybe if I studied, it would take my mind off stupid things but I wish there was a cure for laziness.
And now, every time I watched Game of Thrones and there's a scene with Theon in it, the only thing that comes to mind is this song:
At least Alfie finally amounted to something in life. And how insane was the last scene in this week's GoT episode?!
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
I got my hands on Comedown Machine. There was a time when I
was convinced I would like absolutely anything the Strokes came up with but now
I’m not so sure. I’m giving the album a listen by picking a random song and
playing it continuously but I’m not really feeling it. I remember listening to
Is This It in the eleventh grade while sulking in my tent because someone on
tumblr had recommended it and I was already convinced had to like it because of
these favourable reviews so I just sat there listening to it thrice in row and
then I found myself listening to it for two years nonstop.
I want to listen to a new album which grabs you and just
doesn’t let you go and smothers you because it’s that incredible or just makes
you feel like a better human being because you’re listening to something that
great. I don’t know if I’m making sense on this one. I just want a new album to
love.
Sometimes I think the inside of my head is a combination of
the Cults (tracks would include Most Wanted or Go Outside) and the Shangri-las
and Hunx and his Punx and Smith Westerns.
Thursday, 7 February 2013
I just came back from one of the best vacations I ever had (it was actually a Model United Nations but it felt more like a holiday) and I totally get the beauty of travelling without parents. I also think it's super important to acknowledge the important and happy things that happen to you, and be grateful for them. I would list out all those moments I was super thankful for, and all those moments that feel so magical now that I look back on them but in my case, writing these memories always takes away the... specialness of the moment. It diminishes the appeal and then I feel stupid for writing it down in the first place and suddenly the moment doesn't feel all that magical anymore.
I love Rookie, and Rookie is everything relevant. I especially love this month's Editor's Letter by Tavi. I especially love this part:
My goofiest-sounding secret is that I also believe in magic. Sometimes I call it God and sometimes I call it light, and I believe in it because every now and then I read a really good book or hear a really good song or have a really good conversation with a friend and they seem to have some kind of shine to them. The list I keep of these moments in the back of my journal is comprised less of times when I was laughing or smiling and more of times when I felt like I could feel the colors in my eyes deepening from the display before me. Times in which I felt I was witnessing an all-encompassing representation of life driven by an understanding that, coincidence or not, our existence is a peculiar thing, and perhaps the greatest way to honor it is to just be human. To be happy AND sad, and everything else.
This is super important. Like, let's paint it on your wall and read it everyday important.
I'm also on a quest to be a more accomplished person but I only go through this phase once in every three weeks and the only (productive) thing I've achieved recently is... well, nothing. Life.
When I was eleven, I made forty two resolutions. Forty two. I ended up breaking EVERY single one of them. That taught me the first important lesson about new year resolutions: you're going to break them.
The second lesson I learnt was from my dad. He told me that most gyms had the highest number of new members during January. By the time March came around, about 85% members had fizzled out. By July, only 10% of the original members kept up with their memberships. Okay, these numbers are highly fabricated by yours truly but that's the important lesson: don't wait for January to sign up for something. Don't wait for January to quit smoking. If you were actually planning on doing it, you wouldn't be waiting for the first day of the new year. You'd just do it.
And the third important lesson is something I've gradually come to realize. Things like "I will get full marks on all my tests", "I will not lie" and shit like "I will exercise" is exactly what it sounds like, which is bullfuckingshit. So the trick is to start small and start easy and pick something which is at least a 0.1% feasible.
Basically, no resolutions for me except to change my apathetic attitude about every single life situation, stop being a pig when it comes to eating, and just write, godddamnit. And because I'm more in-touch with myself due to these online personality tests I've taken to doing lately, I know I'm not going to keep any one of them. I wish I'd write more because it seems like an important thing to do, but like Bukowski said, "My ambition is handicapped by my laziness." And that just sounds like a convenient excuse for not doing anything which I realize and thus I take back everything I've written and basically, this paragraph is void.
I've spent the whole day online, watching movies (Looper and Howl's Moving Castle. Both were decentish fun, but didn't really call out to my soul) and downloading shitloads of music. I'm now grooving to the Beach Boys' Holland and I have Britney (goddess) and Lou Reed for the whole of this week. I also finished Stardust today, which was nice and stuff but I couldn't really enjoy it too much because I've got the movie stuck in my head. The ending was, however, perfectly bittersweet.
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Yet again, I'm at work and pretending to be productive. What I have managed to do in the last two days is create a recipe book with my own funky illustrations. All I have left to do is design the cover page. Boredom really hones my creativity, I must say.
I'm really... jaded by work. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to go back to college. Like everything else in my life, the grass is always greener on the other side.
It’s funny, because I took this blog so seriously in August.
I updated practically everyday but then, like every other thing in my life, I
got bored and spent time browsing reddit and watching TV shows instead.
It’s been awhile. I survived my first term of college, so a
hearty pat on the back for me. Really, it seems like no time at all. College
sucked in the beginning. I felt (and still do, actually) cheated because I wasn’t
having a “real college experience” mainly because I was in the same city. And
while everybody else seemed to be really living it up, I just came home and
felt sad and all of the other moody, angsty crap which I’m trying very hard to
get over. I honestly do not think I can do five years of the same college but I’m
too uninspired (read: lazy) to actually study hard for CLAT so whatever, life
is pointless.
Speaking of moody, angsty crap, I’m convinced that this
world is full of energy packets and while you’re walking or sitting or
whatever, your body is continuously in contact with these packets. So you’ve
got high packets and low packets and when you go through a high packet, it’s
good for you because your body reacts accordingly: you are energized enough to
live with gusto and all that jazz. But when you go through a low packet (or is
it when the low packet goes through you? I obviously haven’t thought this out),
you’re in trouble! You’re low and sad and de-energized and stuff and thus you
just stay in bed and ~not feel~.
I think it’s a great theory.
I also went for my first proper vacation after almost two
years. It was Goa, with my family. Good fun, yes, but I’ve come to realize that
vacations (and roadtrips) with family should occur in small doses and should
not be a week-long adventure. This does not mean I love my family any less or
anything. It’s just that “I need space” kind of packet.
On the TV front, I’m stuck on season three of Battlestar
Galactica and I can’t proceed, for some reason. At least Apollo is thin again
(I’m quite deep like that). Season two of American Horror Story is screwed up,
as usual. I’m hoping it builds up a little more. To watch shows include
Breaking Bad and Boston Legal.
I’m just going to post my goodreads blurbs here a little
later. Now back to pretending to work.
I watched Moonrise Kingdom over the weekend and it was per-fect. Absolutely, completely. I loved it. I went with my sister and we obviously got into shit, because the movie was adult and she didn't have ID. It's a little frustrating because here we are, shelling our thousand rupees to watch a movie instead of just torrenting it and they won't let us in! Boo, movie theatres. You're the ones adding to the piracy debacle by being bitches about the whole not letting in sixteen year olds to a movie which SHOULDN'T BE RATED ADULT IN THE FIRST PLACE (I do realize that the theatres were just doing their job but I'm allowed to whine).
My term gets over tomorrow and I'm so excited. I just don't want no classes no more.
The title says it all. I spent a minute trying to decide whether it was roundup or round up but I've decided to go with the latter.
1. I read the Likeness by Tana French, which is the second book in the Dublin Murder Squad series. I'm avoiding using the term "sequel" because it's not exactly a sequel in the conventional way. Into The Woods was about Rob and his partner Cassie, and this book is about Cassie after the incidents in Into The Woods. I've read a lot of reviews about how implausible the whole premise is (read the book and you'll know what I mean) but that was totally okay for me because I wasn't thinking. What are the odds of a girl who looks exactly like you and then she's murdered and you go undercover? AS HER? Implausible yes, but the book was interesting and captivating and I couldn't let it go. It stuck with me the whole day. It was dark and kind of downward spiraling (does that make sense?) but it worked and I really enjoyed it. What really bums me out is that we didn't hear of Rob at all but you can totally deal with it. So I'd strongly recommend reading this novel and then reading the whole series (I realize that I haven't read the whole series myself but I'm hoping it'll be as good as the first two novels).
2. I watched Cabin in the Woods months after I put it on my movie list. It started off super interesting and funny and there were some real gems in the movie but it didn't do much for me. I think it was the end that was kind of annoying- not the end end but before the end. It involved characters running around and a lot of fantasy animals on the loose. It was hilarious, yes, but kind of stupid and not the "Look, we're being stupid because this genre is being severely misused and is stupid" but the "eh, stupid". The unicorn was hilarious too. And there were some parts that had me laughing out loud. And I scare easily.
So yes, watch it but DO NOT EXPECT MUCH. And watch it with someone because it's going to be funnier.
3. Um, yes, music that touches your soul?! I don't know what rock I've been living under but I have no idea how I went so long without listening to these two gems:
Hurt by Johnny Cash
I cried. But maybe that's because there were ~excess emotion~ in my soul.
Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem
I was listening to this song while waiting for my ride this morning and fkdhsfkjsfkdsj (excess emotion). It touched my soul.
4. And finally, I've diagnosed myself with no motivation, apathy, laziness, and depression.
1. Be a spy. Yes, really. Learn how to eavesdrop without looking like you're desperately trying to listen to what others have to say. Tail people! Especially the ones in college or better still, random people on the road. Just do it WITHOUT any creepy intentions, y'know? Fuck, build yourself a secret laboratory/research kind of place. Stack it up with files and laptops and a blank wall that will act like your canvas when it's time to brainstorm. Pick something/someone to investigate! Keep records. Find research databases. Give yourself a purpose! This is practice for being a CIA agent. Watch shows about detectives and private investigators and whatnot. Investigate, investigate, and then investigate some more.
2. Mindfuck yourself. Watch something that'll confuse the shit out of you. Read a novel that is guaranteed to make your head spin. Stay up all night dissecting a concept album. Creep yourself out! Have a Christopher Nolan movie marathon (that will be enough for a day, trust me. And you can spend the rest of the month reading up fan theories online). Watch American Horror Story. That's a guaranteed "wtf-that-just-fucked-so-bad-with-my-head" television show. Or buy House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. I haven't read it personally but I've heard it's like the mother of all mindfucks. Also, listen to some albums and analyze each and every lyric of each and every song and then write about it.
3. Read. Since I'm a college student now, I thought I'd give A Secret History by Donna Tartt a try. And then read something pseudo-intellectual, like Freakonomics and then settle down with some escapist fiction like Dan Brown novels or Michael Crichton.
4. Discover a director whose movies you haven't really watched and settle down and watch a minimum of three movies.
5. Build a world from scratch. Characters, locations, governments, geographies, names, histories, whatnot. Use timelines, maps, diagrams. Go crazy.
6. Try to be a little more physically active. Walks, yoga, stretches. Whatever works.
7. Make more zines. Fun ideas: You Know You're In Love When..., OTPs, favourite albums.
8. Build a fort in your room. Blankets, pillows, yoga mats, the likes. Stock it up with books and your laptop and music and candy and have a party by yourself. Have a movie marathon in your fort! Or educate yourself! Read your psychology textbook. Or just text away. Have a good time.
I feel like I've been very busy but honestly I haven't really been productive.
I wanted to curl up in bed and listen to Wild World (the one by the Skins cast. That's important) and take photos of every little thing and print them out and write down stuff like "missing you while going to college in the morning" and "missing you while staring at nothing in class" and "missing you while in the bus". Melodrama aside, it was sad, okay?
Also, I've discovered the awesomeness that is Suits. I now have motivation to work extra hard during classes (the motivation stays in my head, though, and not really in the quality of work I produce. Still, that's better than no motivation at all) and a new appreciation for men in suits. And the dialogues (this is because I worry too much about being shallow)!
I also hung out with B and we watched Sherlock and I slept. I tend to do that a lot.
I tried to play mind games with some people and mind fuck them but that was a fail attempt.
I also made a super sad playlist which was me being emotional. Listen here, and the tracklist here:
Twin Peaks- Just You // Ry Cooder- Cancion Mixteca// Little Joy- Unattainable//The Velvet Underground- After Hours// Alex Turner- It’s Hard To Get Around The Wind// American Sneakers- C.I.A// Cat Power- Still In Love// Laura Marling- New Romantic// Simon and Garfunkel- Leaves That Are Green// Sara Lov- Square Heart// The Shins- New Slang// The Velvet Underground- Ride Into The Sun// Radiohead- Karma Police
#1
Sixteen Candles! Why did I wait so long to watch this? It's kind of stupid, to be honest. Sam talks to herself! That's weird. It's weird that she comments on how lame she is, out loud. I do it in my head. I wonder if it makes a difference if you say it out loud. This is unrelated but my sister suggested talking to yourself as a way of "being in touch with your feelings". Yeah, back to the movie. Jake Ryan is kind of a douche. Who the hell lets some little freshman drive his very drunk (albeit horrible) girlfriend home and suggests getting frisky (!) with her? That's douche-y! But he's a total babe, isn't he? He's those beautiful boys who you just crush on 4eva and they should never know how you feel because ew! Relationships are gross.
What a dish.
#2
My mom walking into my room while I'm slaving over fanfiction and hugging me tightly and saying, "Baby." God, I love my mom.
#3
These pink zines I've been working on. I really like them... they're basically just ~feelings~ and stuff but they're cute and fun (even if I say so myself)
#4
This is one of the nicest and slowest and most beautiful songs by the Strokes. I realize it's just the demo version but it's fantabuolous (yes, these kind of words describe the importance of the song). It's so important and gah, touching. Plus everyone can appreciate the orgasmic bliss that is Julian's voice.
I love arts 'n' crafts. Nothing makes me happier. NOTHING. I love looking at photos for inspiration, keeping track on tutorials, reading craft blog and generally doing arts 'n' crafts all day. One of my favourite people in the world and I sat and did exactly that and it was perfect. Major influence was Rookie, at least when it came to the zines and banners. And the glitter clips. The flowers in ice were something we'd seen on tumblr and they worked out really cute! Now we just need an occasion to actually use them. Just freeze petals in water! They're so pretty.
How cute is this? B took all the photos and those are my gross hands. But pwiddy pwiddy.
DIY is so messy. But fun and productive. We played Little Joy and Simon and Garfunkel (okay it was the Almost Famous OST) and we destroyed our workspace AKA B's room.
~~Stationery Forever~~
We got conned into buying a shitload of wool for banners which we ended up not using.
I just had an incredibly frustrating conversation with my mom about college. I love my mom, I really do. She gets me all the time except when it comes to this adult business.
How do I explain it to her? I thought college was going to be a major growing experience. I mean, I'm an adult! I get major responsibilities! I'm going to be independent! Yada yada.
The thing is, all of the above things are going to be highly unlikely if you're living at home. I love my family but I feel so smothered right now and the weird thing is, it's not because of them. I feel like I'm smothering myself. I feel so aimless and purposeless and so naive and childlike and when do I start to feel like an adult? A person who can look after him/herself? qkdwjdwkj
Oh, July, where did you go? I had big plans for July. I really did. But I just found myself existing from day to day, sleeping in class and going for farewells. Three of my best friends left and I really feel like everyone's going places and I'm the only person stuck here in the same city, doing the same thing. It's exactly like school. I don't even have the energy to push myself, get out of my comfort zone, etc. etc. I've got some college friends coming over right now and that feels like a step forward because I don't usually sleepover with people but then I'm worried. I'm worried about entertaining people, worried about spending too much time with them and whatnot. I wish I could stop worrying.
I really just want to stay in bed all day and wake up to watch Roswell. I just discovered it last night and it's thirty different shades of stupid but it's growing on me. I considered bunking college just to watch it but I refrained. I have midterms next week and I need to do my best to keep my attendance up. But Roswell! Max's soulful eyes! The millennium references! It's exciting. It's going to take me a bit of time to appreciate Max and Michael fully because Max reminds me of Ethan from Lost (he was fuck creepy) and Michael looks like the Lonely Island guy's brother.
Also, I started a writing project using drabbles. I've kind of evolved the challenge so let's see how it works out. I'm using tumblr to keep track of it.
I just want to stay in bed and discover new music and read good YA fiction and not do anything remotely intellectual or studious or productive. It's not like I do these things anyway but since I spend almost twelve hours in college, it feels like I'm greatly involved in the pursuit of knowledge.
Thursday, 16 February 2012
I think I'm going to start using this blog more. Tumblr's getting kind of annoying. And I need to vocalize my thoughts, need to put them down in order, think.
I don't know. I want to write about feelings and stuff. Should be studying physics though.
** Since electromagnetic waves possess momentum, they exert pressure which is called radiation pressure
P=U/c**
Yeah, okay. I hope I end up blogging more
