I've been meaning to write about something- anything- for almost a month now, but I keep losing my inspiration/drive/motivation. My problem is that I get way too complacent about everything and that results in me doing nothing except worrying about how unproductive I'm being.
I read Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me by Mindy Kaling a month back and I loved it with all my heart. I'm not sure if I've written about it on this blog but the following quote is something I want to stick up on my wall under a bold "Important Life Advice- Please do not forget this, Aadya!".
“I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in
public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else
is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on
in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never
lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it
especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes
the cake.”
This is probably the most useful advice I've come across recently. I always feel stupid after I complain about how stressed I've been because I honestly don't know a single person who's not been stressing about something in life. I'm also trying to be a better conversationalist but I have a lot of work when it comes to that front.
I'm terrified of small talk. I've been in several awkward situations recently after which I keep beating myself up about how cringe-worthy I sound. I shuffle and cough and panic and talk in a hysterical pitch and that's uncool for my sanity levels. In situations like this, I must aim to channel Pink from Dazed and Confused for the way he seamlessly blends into cliques and is just charming and diplomatic on the whole. Role model! Also, while we were watching After Hours, my sister pointed out that it was so incredibly chill the way Griffin Dunne's character casually tells the girl whose name I forgot- "You've got an incredible body" or something along those lines. My sister was telling me her aspiration about being a person who can compliment someone easily and not being awkward about it and that has come to be my aspiration too. Compliments are not about being needy or weird or expecting something in return. They're just to express how much you enjoy the little things and the big things.
I'm not going to read this blog post because (a) my grammar sucks today and (b) my thoughts are all over the place and I don't want to sit and worry about having the right kind of thoughts.
Sunday 9 June 2013
"The Duckman's goofball moves cannot remotely be described as "cool," "funky" or even "human," but he needs this song to express all the bottled-up emotion he has for Molly, because he can't tell her himself. So it's slapstick comedy, but it's also true romance: a very rock & roll combo." (x)
In short, Grant suddenly and fully developed charm, a quality that is tantalizing because it simultaneously demands detachment and engagement. Only the self-aware can have charm: It’s bound up with a sensibility that at best approaches wisdom, or at least worldliness, and at worst goes well beyond cynicism. It can’t exist in the undeveloped personality.
I loved the Rolling Stone review for the latest Game of Thrones episode. Spoilers will follow. It sums up my feelings perfectly.
The death of an idea can hurt just as badly as the death of a person. People are mortal, after all, and come with an expiration date – it's the cost of doing business with them. But ideas often have a wider impact than any one person. They're passed down and passed around, like heirlooms or viruses. It's easy to convince ourselves that an idea that gives our life meaning will outlast our life, any life, in turn. To lose an idea like that leaves us adrift, with no shore in sight...
... But for readers and viewers, it killed our idea of what this series is. The central conflict, Stark vs. Lannister, is now over. The Lannisters won. There will be no comeback now, if ever. Sure, we know on some level that there's much more going on, from smaller rivalries like Littlefinger vs. Varys or Cersei vs. Margaery to the potentially massive storms brewing north of the Wall and east of the Sea. But it's been Stark vs. Lannister the whole time, until now. A lifetime of reading and watching fiction has trained us to treat the establishment of a central conflict as a promise that it will remain the central conflict until the end of that work of fiction. The Red Wedding took that promise, cut its throat and dumped it on the floor to bleed out.
Also this part really called out to me:
Gilly called Sam a wizard for being able to memorize stuff he saw in books, making every A Song of Ice and Fire diehard out there a hero, just for one day.
Little Eva- The Locomotion
This has got to be one of the best songs ever. Little Eva's version is so much better than Kylie Minogue's.
"When you start to really know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”
My brain is working much faster than I can act (or react) so I've spent the whole of last week feeling like I was living in my head and day-to-day interacts seemed pointless. I've also come to realize the importance of what my dad calls "RAM Dumps". It's basically just dumping every single thought/to-do item on a piece of paper. I always feel so much better once it's all down on paper and then I spend a while just staring at it and doing nothing about it.
My thoughts and feelings are really cluttered as of now so most of the time I don't know what I'm feeling and I'm constantly worrying about things that need to be done. I realize that I'm not a very organized person when it comes to my physical spaces but the same can be applied to my thought process, which I find really worrying because I crave order and organization. I spend an insane amount of money on too many notebooks which are always left lying around half complete. I've got about ten years worth of random shit that was in my desk lying in ugly cartons near my bed and that's just adding to mental ugliness. My dad has been talking a lot about "broken windows", which is a term that refers to disorder in your life. I guess it could be stuff in your surroundings, or perhaps people in your life, or just thoughts. I should ask him about it, because it's a fascinating concept. My living spaces are full of broken windows: broken earphones, dirty shoes, unfolded clothes, plastic bags, old basketballs and scraps of paper (these are basically just items I can see from my position on the bed). My thoughts are also broken windows: I've been grappling with what seems to be a conflict between introversion and extroversion. I can't figure out if I'm introverted or just lazy. I love spending time by myself but lately it always hits me badly when I know my friends are out there, living it up, and I'm just in my room doing unproductive things. I (most of the time at least) attribute my seclusion to the fact that I'm just too lazy to get dressed and figure out a system of getting home late at night. Perhaps it's to do with the fact that I always feel like I'm answerable to my parents, and this makes me extremely anxious so I just choose not to go out so I don't need to deal with it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just making it a bigger problem in my head, or perhaps I'm just trying to excuse my introverted behaviour. I don't know.
Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions. -Quiet, Susan Cain
I just finished Quiet by Susan Cain. Agreed, it took me two months to finish, but it was so worth it. I think it worked great not only as an interesting take on psychology and culture, but it also served as a self-help book (My dad begged me not to read self-help books, claiming that they would ruin my life. This blog post is probably just about everything my dad told me.). I've always felt like I need to make excuses for not only my behaviour when I want to stay at home or not go for parties, but also for my entire family's (We're just a bunch of homebodies living together). I felt like Quiet really made my appreciate my own- and others'- "I'd rather be by myself or with a small bunch of people" qualities. I don't consider myself a shy person, so the fact that extroversion and shyness may go hand-in-hand was also interesting. This was a really eye-opening book.
I haven't been reading lately, for whatever reason. I need a book to grab me and force me to stay up and devour it. The last book that had this effect on me was The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. It had the perfect blend of a gothic mystery, creepy houses, fucked up families and secrets. I dig that kind of stuff. I was left pretty disappointed by Stoker, which I thought I would love because it seemed to have the same formula of secrets and gothic undertones and general fucked up behaviour.
I loved Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? by Mindy Kaling. I don't usually laugh out loud while reading nor do I read memoirs in the first place but this was one was s fluffy and breezy and it was exactly what I needed.
The weather is perfect right now (oh god, I've become one of those people who talk about weather TO THEMSELVES). It's usually exactly the right amount of cloudy and windy and it was almost worth going through almost four months of unbearable heat just for the weather we're experiencing right now. My friend was telling me about a midnight car ride on the highway. On of our friends was driving at 140 (uncool. I'm terrified of speeding) but these two guys were up on the top of the car (as I write this, I realize the absolute danger of the the situation.), with the wind on their faces and all that jazz. I don't think I'd ever do something like this but it sounds perfect only because of the wind. I feel like I need to write long, lengthy posts about how the wind makes me feel. Instead, I just listen to Colours of the Wind (actually, I don't. I imagine listening to the song while I'm enjoying the wind. Thus, I've concluded with one more void paragraph).
I'm going to go and enjoy the wind and drink lemon tea (which I learned how to make. One step closer to adulthood. I also drove today. Goodbye childhood). But before I do, I need to share this song, which is the most perfect thing I've heard lately.
West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band- I Won't Hurt You
I'm an untouched diamond That's golden and brilliant without illumination Your mouth's a constellation Stars are in your eyes I'll take a spaceship And try and go and find you
I know psychadia is a result of the 60s but to me, this song sounds so beyond its years, especially since it was recorded in the 60s. I don't think I'm being very articulate, but eh whatever. Everyone should be one step closer to finding themselves through this song.
Also, one last thing. The broken windows theory actually exists, but it's a criminological theory! I need to start looking up everything.
I was re-watching Remember The Titans last night and apart from the fact that it's the best sports movie ever, Ronnie Bass aka "Sunshine" has got to be the person I aspire to be the most.
For starters, Sunshine defies all existing cliques and stereotypes. He's a jock- and an amazing one at that. He's clearly excellent at some martial art- I, however, can't really figure out which martial art it is. He's easy-going and funny and he plays the best mind games ever. For example, the scene in which PD tries to- not so subtly- find out Sunshine's sexual orientation (after he kisses Gary, which is extremely brave. I would not attempt kissing Gary), watch Sunshine cut PD down with grace and wit. This is who I aspire to be. Playing mind games with charm is definitely an A+ in my book. He's also the smoothest dude- watch how he easily embraces the (some what derogatory) nickname "Sunshine" with humour and easygoing-ness. These are important life lessons guys! Stay true to yourself, be smart and fun, you don't always need to explain yourself, be nice and somewhat naive (that scene in which he clearly hasn't understood how deep the racial tensions are), and do what you love. And be a smooth dude while you're at it.
Sunshine, you're my hero.
Friday 10 May 2013
... I find myself reproducing entire phrases or sentences as if new, and this may be compounded, sometimes, by a genuine forgetfulness. Looking back through my old notebooks, I find that many of the thoughts sketched in them are forgotten for years, and then revived and reworked as new. I suspect that such forgettings occur for everyone, and they may be especially common in those who write or paint or compose, for creativity may require such forgettings, in order that one’s memories and ideas can be born again and seen in new contexts and perspectives.
I don't need anyone else," from "Never Saw the Point", may read as a tossed-off line, but in a strangely positive way, it feels like the record's main message. Even the eternally sunny "Go Outside" ends on the lyric, "I think I want to live my life and you're just in my way." These are teenage sentiments, the kind of things you feel dumb for saying and thinking once you've navigated into your mid-twenties, but they're also universal sentiments during that stage of life when you're trying to figure out what kind of person you're going to be.
If there wasn't a word for it, would we realize our masochism as much?
- The Lover's Dictionary, David Leviathan
When a massive power outage struck southern California in the 1990s, Los Angeles residents reportedly called 911 to express alarm about strange clouds hovering overhead; they were seeing the Milky Way for the first time. (x)
While filming a scene for Season Three of Game of Thrones, Emilia Clarke found herself being heckled. The Khaleesi might have been in the process of checking out the Unsullied, a ferocious slave army willing to lose their nipples with nary a peep, but the “very overexcited Moroccan men” playing the soldiers were busy checking out the lovely 26-year-old Brit and her equally lovely co-star Nathalie Emmanuel. And whistling. And catcalling. It was a moment that called for a graceful intervention. “So basically when the cameras weren’t rolling, I made sure that I individually eyeballed every single one of them until they realized that we were a force to be reckoned with,” Clarke says. “Just because we were girls didn’t mean that we couldn’t be badass.” Without her having to say a word, her tactic brought the men to a heel: “They underestimated the intensity and ferocity of a woman’s stare.” Adds executive producer D.B. Weiss in his telling of the story, “Then she came back to the tent and talked for a good 10 minutes about how funny it would be in a later scene if Dany farted in the bathtub. Location
-Rolling Stone
Ever since I was little, I've always looked up to girls (and guys, for that matter) who seem to have their shit together. I've always tried to ape that aspect of the character's (or person's) personality. For example, Kristy from the Babysitters Club Series. She was the toughest chick in the series and she never ever cried.
For the longest time, I associated crying with weakness. I was extremely careful never to cry in public or in front of my friends. I wanted to be thought of as cool and composed and I wanted to be there for the friends who I thought needed me because they cried in front of me.
It's taken me a really long time to realize that I'm a crier. I cry for everything. I cry during movies and songs, I cry when sad and tragic things happen to people, I cry when I see other people get humiliated or embarrassed or rejected, I cried when I saw a lion in a cage during my first visit to the zoo, I cry when people make fun of my cooking, and most of all, I cry every time my parents sit down to have a talk with me. I guess you could call it a lecture or just general reminders that I'm not functioning to my potential or that my general apathy is going to get me nowhere in life or even simple issues like drinking (which, at least in my case, is not simple at all). This is really embarrassing because 97% of the time I end up in tears at the end of these "discussions" and furthermore, it's incredibly frustrating because I want my parents to take me seriously and treat me like an adult, but how the fuck are they supposed to manage that if I end up bawling like a baby all the time?!
I've had time to reconcile the fact that crying isn't actually a sign of immaturity or the fact that you're can't handle life or that you're a pussy. I know several adults who cry for everything, including my grandmother and a distant aunt and I don't think that makes them any less strong or capable. I admire people who are stoic and I think it's a useful trait, but that's just me.
I remember really worrying about the fact that every little thing made me cry but then I'm trying to realize it's just easier (and better) to embrace who you are and work with it instead of trying to be somebody who you really aren't (cool and composed). But then, again, I don't know anybody who is purely stoic or purely a crier or emotional. So basically this whole post is a waste of time, because to my family I'm probably an emotional train-wreck but to my friends I've probably got my shit together so instead of worrying about all these stupid things, I should probably concentrate on doing something productive like writing a novel or learning to play an instrument but look! This is me brushing off feelings and all I want to be is somebody who is in touch with her feelings so where does this leave me?
I've decided I'm going to make a zine on crying because what else am I going to do with my time? Also, crying while walking in the rain and listening to The Moon by Cat Power is probably the best way to get your shit together.
